Still Figuring

I'm losing motivation. I'm becoming convinced that I'm going to have to go back to making coffee. I loved making coffee but didn't love the company I worked for. Luckily I have a friend who's a manager at a shop that's not part of the company I used to work for, so at least if I give up and go back to coffee it'll be a better gig. Theoretically.

I was chatting with a friend tonight about my whole existential crisis and survey says I should keep on with the UI business until it's about to run out and maybe do some part time (coffee) thing and volunteer. While this is happening I'm to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Whatever office thing I end up with (if I go that route) will be a pretty low-man-on-the-totem-pole thing, which I expect. But I need to figure out how to grow from that. I had started getting that information at the job from which I was laid off, but that's clearly out of the question now.

My dad recently let me know that if I want financial help to take classes for some kind of extra training that I can get that from my parents. Which is really, really great of them. But that kind of kills me. My undergrad studies were crazy expensive and my dad even took a second job during my first year at university. He's no spring chicken and the job took its toll. I finally took it on under my federal loans and I've known since high school that I was going to be making payments on my loan until I'm in my late 30's. And that's fine. I'd even be willing to take on a couple more years' worth of payments for grad school. But I just don't think I'm ready to go back. That's basically it. I don't really want to go back to school right now. The most appealing option is law school and I have neither the patience for studying nor the funding for such a venture.

Also, I've been spending time with my parents and have let them buy groceries and toiletries and every cell phone I've had has been on their plan. I've never paid for my phone.

Okay, so there's that. Existential crisis. Trying to figure things out and may volunteer and may use the time to learn how to drive.

Now another thing.

The hot issue right now is this whole health care debate. Here's what I think about that.

I want affordable health insurance.

I recently had a diagnostic appointment thing and when I get the bill I'm going to have to pay about $125. My unemployment insurance is great to get but my monthly income is about $500 less than it was when I was working. And I wasn't making bank when I was working. So I'm probably going to let my parents buy me some groceries so I can pay my medical bill.

So that's annoying.

But here's what has really fried my bacon.

When the economy first started into the shitter I talked to my boss to see if I should worry about my job. We ended up having a sort of running joke that of course I was safe because my salary was ridiculously low. What I've pieced together from information shared by a multitude of sources was the reason the wave of cuts of which I was a part occurred was that the company couldn't handle paying for employees' insurance. So they needed to get rid of bodies. And since I was such a low man on that totem pole I got the ax.

So I lost my job because insurance is so expensive.

And what doesn't make much sense about that is that I'm doing the COBRA thing and that company is still paying for my health care. Which I have to supplement with my valuable unemployment insurance.

So, yeah, people who are opposed to the health care reform and a public option are assholes and they can mail checks to me to pay for my fucking pap smears.

I need a job.

Sigh.

And...that office from yesterday? They're not ready to hire another staff member.


Back to emailing out the resume.

A Nice Little Office

A few weeks ago one of my friends sent me a series of emails between her and one of her friends. Her friend was asking if my friend would be interested in doing some part- to full-time work at her office. My friend is going out of town for a significant amount of time and let her friend know that it'd probably be a bit of trouble to hire and train her just for her to pack up and leave, but she mentioned that she has a friend (that's me!) who's looking for work. I sent my resume to my friend, she passed it on to her friend, and this week I got an email asking if I was interested in being considered for the position.

We swapped a few emails and this morning I got up at 6:30 (oh my, I'd forgotten how that was. And I had my dad call me to make sure I was awake on time.), got ready, caught a bus, and found the office.

A note about the bus. I don't like riding buses. I just don't. It's maybe from having to ride the bus to and from school for ten or so years. I don't know. I think it also has something to do with the fact that I'm not familiar with a lot of the places that I can't just walk to so I get all worried that I'll miss my stop and end up in another county or something. However, today's bus ride was pleasant.

Okay, so I found the office and went in and everyone was crazy nice. Holy heck. At least four people offered a cup of coffee (I declined because I'd likely spill it down my front.) and one guy just popped on into the conference room where I was waiting. Just to chat. And tell me a wee bit about the industry. I heard him mention excitedly to others in the office that there was someone there (that's me!) about an admin position. They had a summer intern and I think they're missing that extra pair of hands.

I met with a couple people for about 20 minutes and it was nice and chill. One of them got his graduate degree at the university I attended and I got to tell them a bit about what I'd done at my last job.

They're going to get in touch with me next week when they have a bit of a better idea of what they're looking for. They know I'd like a full-time job and I think they have to figure out when (or, indeed, if) this job will become a full-time position. Also, the starting wage the friend of my friend mentioned to me in the emails is right around what I'm looking for. Score!

So, here's hoping something good comes of today's excursion. I really liked the vibe of that office.

Food

Really good food is one thing that I have no problem shelling out a lot of money for. I joined a couple foodie friends at a posh sushi restaurant and the bill for dinner for three of us was over $150. I didn't even blink. What we ate was definitely worth that amount.

In addition to buying food at restaurants, I really dig cooking. My friends don't believe this because I like going out for prepared food and I like Kraft Mac & Cheese so much. I just don't cook very often because of a couple reasons. One, the lights in my kitchen are kinda lamesauce and flicker after being on for about a minute. It's like trying to cook at a really lame rave. Two, I live on my own and cooking for one isn't as fun as cooking for, say, three or more people. I know, I know, I can eat leftovers and freeze food, blah, blah, blah. The truth is, frozen food isn't as good as fresh food. It's just a fact in my kitchen.

During this whole unemployment adventure I've been meeting friends for lunch and if that happens I usually have a cheap or really easy-to-make dinner. This is, seriously, mostly mac & cheese. And this is only if I have more than one meal in a day. I've been getting hours upon hours of sleep and I'm usually not hungry for more than, say, a handful of crackers for the first few hours I'm awake. So I'll have some crackers or a few pieces of cheese, then it's mostly just water and maybe a cup of tea until late dinner.

One result of this is that I've tightened my belt a notch. The old jeans definitely got a little baggier. But another result is that I'm eating absolute garbage. How bad is it? Tonight's dinner is a bowl of Fiber One and a large side of broccoli. I had to make myself go to the store (after lunch with a friend) and buy vegetables. I need to clean up my act!

I've started turning to my veggie friend for tips on cooking plants. So delicious! She is responsible for me being a bit crazy about roasting brussels sprouts. And tonight's broccoli was steamed with some basil, salt, pepper, and garlic.

Okay, so, what am I learning? I'm learning that it's okay to go out for food (when the budget allows), but I really need to get healthy food to cook at home. And every time I get groceries I need to get produce that I will cook and eat. This will help me feel healthy and will keep my energy levels in check.

Gah, being an adult is hard sometimes.