Still Figuring

I'm losing motivation. I'm becoming convinced that I'm going to have to go back to making coffee. I loved making coffee but didn't love the company I worked for. Luckily I have a friend who's a manager at a shop that's not part of the company I used to work for, so at least if I give up and go back to coffee it'll be a better gig. Theoretically.

I was chatting with a friend tonight about my whole existential crisis and survey says I should keep on with the UI business until it's about to run out and maybe do some part time (coffee) thing and volunteer. While this is happening I'm to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Whatever office thing I end up with (if I go that route) will be a pretty low-man-on-the-totem-pole thing, which I expect. But I need to figure out how to grow from that. I had started getting that information at the job from which I was laid off, but that's clearly out of the question now.

My dad recently let me know that if I want financial help to take classes for some kind of extra training that I can get that from my parents. Which is really, really great of them. But that kind of kills me. My undergrad studies were crazy expensive and my dad even took a second job during my first year at university. He's no spring chicken and the job took its toll. I finally took it on under my federal loans and I've known since high school that I was going to be making payments on my loan until I'm in my late 30's. And that's fine. I'd even be willing to take on a couple more years' worth of payments for grad school. But I just don't think I'm ready to go back. That's basically it. I don't really want to go back to school right now. The most appealing option is law school and I have neither the patience for studying nor the funding for such a venture.

Also, I've been spending time with my parents and have let them buy groceries and toiletries and every cell phone I've had has been on their plan. I've never paid for my phone.

Okay, so there's that. Existential crisis. Trying to figure things out and may volunteer and may use the time to learn how to drive.

Now another thing.

The hot issue right now is this whole health care debate. Here's what I think about that.

I want affordable health insurance.

I recently had a diagnostic appointment thing and when I get the bill I'm going to have to pay about $125. My unemployment insurance is great to get but my monthly income is about $500 less than it was when I was working. And I wasn't making bank when I was working. So I'm probably going to let my parents buy me some groceries so I can pay my medical bill.

So that's annoying.

But here's what has really fried my bacon.

When the economy first started into the shitter I talked to my boss to see if I should worry about my job. We ended up having a sort of running joke that of course I was safe because my salary was ridiculously low. What I've pieced together from information shared by a multitude of sources was the reason the wave of cuts of which I was a part occurred was that the company couldn't handle paying for employees' insurance. So they needed to get rid of bodies. And since I was such a low man on that totem pole I got the ax.

So I lost my job because insurance is so expensive.

And what doesn't make much sense about that is that I'm doing the COBRA thing and that company is still paying for my health care. Which I have to supplement with my valuable unemployment insurance.

So, yeah, people who are opposed to the health care reform and a public option are assholes and they can mail checks to me to pay for my fucking pap smears.

I need a job.